Carbuyers guide - 2

Off late, I was talking to one of my friends about general catch all. The kind of phone calls that you should make periodically, to make sure they know your last name in case you need some dough or a recommendation on your Linked in.

Well, thats not the point.The point is during the course of discussion, she casually mentioned that her first car was Audi... Audi as in AUDI... The thoroughbred German Steed... which commands top moolah even in recession times. my retinas widened further when in the same breath she mentioned as she required a "small car" so she settled for A U D I... Barely able to hold back the feelings of Awe n excitement.... I truncated the call citing some real bad reasons...
But, even as I cut the call on my blackberry (free with ATT connection) and looking down at my 8 year old trustworthy Altima (I live on 2nd floor u c), I couldn't help thinking of how this buying behavior didn't fit in with my earlier research article.

I spent some time in deep thought and enlightenment dawned upon me the next morning when I was gulping down pancakes with dollops of butter. So, If you are still with me, please read on...

We Indians, Sir have deeply ingrained sense of social hierarchy. Consciously or unconsciously we apply it to most of the aspects of our life. Be it village Sarpanch buying the first Tractor in a village or the reverence for the Politicians with Royal heritage. We will keep on yearning for the objects of desire

Some time back, Indian media made a great fuss about a "Rajmata" who died at a ripe age in a foreign land. Did I get my Civics wrong (...ahan... Not the car but the woeful subject in High School), didn't the titles get abolished with cessation of princely states. But, still the "Rajmata" title was plastered all over the internet news channels as if she still was ruling India.

I remember the last time international media was in a similar hysteria when "Princess" Diana went heavenwards at 200 mph piloted by a drunk Driver cum bodyguard cum possible pass time lover.Perhaps the Indian media was not mature enough at that point of time to ask such intelligent questions to common man. Eg - To an uninterested road side peanut vendor... "Jab Diana ki jaan ja rahi thi to aapko kaisa lag raha tha ?" and the surprised Interviwee blinded by the instant flash of limelight blabbers some similar to Ms North Carolina's answer(Answer).

Well, we still are a model community, as only the studious and the sincere of the lot are able to make through the siphon of Hyper Darwinian Visa selection process to reach Uncle Sam's Park. But only, till the time the Second Generation ripens and starts shaming even the inhabitants of Oz with their antics.

We can be sure there till then Audis, Beamers (Not the Cricket one, but the one with a price tag similar to that of an IPL team), Mercs (My personal fav...:)....) will be the cherished possessions of the hard working and non playing folks.

Delhi -6 aka The Escapades of Kala Bandar

All right folks, I never did any movie reviews. B'coz I didn't feel they were worth my time. But, continuosly facing the onslaught of crappy stuff in the name of creativity has got my goat and I am going to break this pratigya of mine.

Yesterday, I went to watch this movie known as "Delhi 6", throughout the movie I was wondering what the Hell has title got to do with the movie. The beginning of the movie looks like a youtube videoresponse to "Slumdog Millionaire" pointing out everything that is happening(or better as it should be happening). The communal harmony tone was blown through a trumpet that even a deaf(or in politically correct terms - audio challenged or still better socially vogue - Aurically differently abled) person can't ignore. The lead actress(Sonal Kapoor-D/o the great Simian hirsuite Anil Kapoor) is nothing better than the mannequin who compensates lack of acting with a pasty smile and timbuktoos between modern and traditional outfits, both ways equally boring. The protagonist/narrator(Abhishek Bachchan - S/o Big B) wore his copy righted sulking expression and danced in a way, which makes me feel that a genetic test might reveal that he has inherited something from Not so Big- D(Dharam Pa Ji)....Gosh, did his birth day by any chance co-incide with the release of Sholay.... The Ramleela actors along with other side kicks were the real gamers who stole the show with their honesty and antics.

But, Ladies and gentlemen hold your breath for the lead actor, who although not present physically, was the lead in the movie. May I present the much loved and hated - Kala Bandar(Out of sheer respect, lets call him KB ji). Be it the beginning of the movie when the Young-B was travelling from Big Apple to Matrabhoomi or be it the Climax in which he was dying wearing the suit of KB ji), be it when Young B-was saving the lady from the lech/photographer/Lala's Wive's paramour or the inflaming of communal tension. His presence(or absence) was always felt and appreciated for its influence on making the otherwise "boring to death" storyline almost bearable. Hats off to KB ji for his honorary yet valuable contribution to the movie.

But, his commanding presence(and also strong contendership for the Academy) still does not remove the pain of spending $32.75(10.50*2,Yes, I have to buy 2 tickets now+11.75 on Cola+Corn). The only scene I loved was the one in which Young B was being beaten black and blue and then shot by Mamdu(The Halwai cum Communal harmony Icon turned hardliner cum Ramleela Organiser turned attempted murder convict-Man they must have really paid big to the guy for donning so many caps). The storyline, was so hopeless that the even the casual presence(and permanent presence of his framed Pic) of Big B couldn't save it. Believe me, after wasting money on several movies of similar "Creative" movies I seriously am feeling the need to approach BBB (US equivalent of consumer forum) to find out the refund process and if any punitive damages can be awarded to prevent the makers from repating such mistakes.

Wam Bam Thank you Ma'am

I didn't want to start my India blogging on this note, but can't help. The feelings are mixed and I guess I should vent them out lest they become stale and die out.

Yesterday, yet another day of serial blasts in Delhi. These blasts were termed as something caused by "Home Grown" devices and agencies. For most of us it the effect of this news was same as that of another flick releasing in Bollywood. The Politicians were quick to respond and started baking their political bread in funeral pyres, the news channels were quicker, they tried to project every rumor as the "Fact" based report. But, if the news channels could report the finding of "Ravana's Mummy" and "Visualisation of Lord Rama" then anything is possible for them.

Life keeps moving on for all of us, its not that it doesn't hurt now, but with so much of catastrophes happening in all directions, it becomes just one of the happenings and we become desensitized to the pain. The floods in Assam/Bihar, the relegious clashes in Orissa, the venomous speech in Maharashtra, the usage of Molotov cocktails in Kashmir, the Naxalites in Andhra, Jharkhand and Bihar and I am sure similar number of unrests would have been missed because they could not be reported.

Contrast this with the 9/11 of US. Since then, US has tightened the noose around the forces which believe that they can treat the human life frivolously. Russia guards its peace aggressively. UK deals with terror with an iron hand. Even Saudi Arabia has a strong stand against such powers.

Then why do we always act like sitting ducks. The criminals who attacked parliament who should have been summarily executed are still waiting to be pardoned. Similar cases will be pending against hundreds of thousands of other people responsible for such dastardly acts.

Instead of issuing fiery statements against people/agencies. Is there someone who will be able to take some action and translate the verbal venom in blood and sinew and let the other party know that when it hurts it hurts bad.

Seems, that we will have to take a decision and take it fast before these cowards become even more capable and ruin many other innocent lives.

Bye Bye American Pie... Part 1

Sitting on the Hong Kong airport, with body clock unsure of the time zone, looking like a vagabond after 12 hours of being straight jacketed in a seat, oogling at a nicely dressed up Indian girl sitting across me, I have just one thing in mind - How the Hell do these girls manage to look so fresh and still enticing after such an ordeal which has left me in such a shape, that judging by appearance only a pet dog would like to come near to me. Anyways, she is giving me those questioning looks which normally girls living abroad give, otherwise the Indian girls just start smirking(the gud ones)and feigning an angry expression if they see any univited interest approaching them via any media visual ones inclusive. Gosh, is it her or the combined effect of vodka peg, fatigue and foggy glasses which are creating this hallucination.

Enough digression, lets come to the point - the day I arrived in US I was very excited and unsure of many things, but going back after 1.5 years I have a smile of satisfaction glued to my face. As I look back I see 18 months of of unadulterated adventure sports, driving fabulous cars on one of the best freeways, forging some excellent and long lasting bonds of friendship with some very special folks which ever will walk this earth, partying at some of the most lively pubs, gambling at the world's best casinos, eating the cuisines I would have never tried in India(... specially Mediterranean ones@ Kan Zeman...wink wink ;)...), riding the first roller coaster of my life in real and literal sense and of course meeting my childhood hero Mickey Mouse... (See Mom, I told you he ain't a cartoon... but a real life hero...)
Hearty thanks to all the guys for making my stay comfortable and enjoyable... I really look forward to meeting all of you sometime.

I will definitely keep on puring other parts of this series, so folks do keep on visiting for more.

Till then, Dasvidanya.

Ideas to counter boredom

Its a long time I have posted, well like the character in a movie "Chronicles of Riddick" I was walking around like a zombie with a dagger in my back. I was waiting for that phase to pass before I write something and publish it, lest I start ranting about somethings which I would not like to share. Won't say that phase has passed, but it seems that I'll live. So, here I finish my yearly quota of ranting and jump back to my old self.

Alright folks, if you are just as bored or clueless how to find some excitement in life as me. Try out some of the following things. They might actually work and for some of them I can vouch for myself.

Alright folks, doesn't matter if your are jilted in love, had a bad fight with your spouse or just simply bored, the below recipes for excitement work out equally well for all. Just give it a try and you might not regret.

1 - Drive around at double the speed limit or the maximum speed limit of your car which ever is achieved earlier. And then to add spice, close your eyes while on steering for 5 seconds :D. It really sharpens your instincts.

2 - Open the Sun Roof of the car on the a snowy day and ride along the slippery roads after switching off the stability control of the vehicle, singing at full volume as if intoxicated. Skidding the vehicle, on turns as if it were a motorbike... n of course scaring the hell out of co-passengers ;))

3 - Graduating from Beginners to Master level of sailing within two days and then riding the choppy waters and 20 knot gales at full speed, tilting the boat upto the limit of capsizing it. Enjoying the expression of excitement on the faces of bystanders, horror on faces of fellow sailors and chagrin on the face of instructor.

4 - Taking some colorful glass flowers in your hand and crushing it. Watching the rainbow hues when the red life liquid merges with the green, reds and yellows. Watching the friends shrieking at the sight and then long ride to the doctor. Enjoying the feigned strictness of an absolutely stunning blonde doctor and her real annoyance at removing the one million shards implanted by this act.

5 - Going inside deep caves and trying to convince the guide to go down and take a dip in the underground waterbody which carries poisonous creatures.

6 - On your first experience going for a Level-4 rafting course and navigating through rapids where known risk of death/injury is there.

7 - Going for a sky diving and feigning that you are an expert at it and refuse an instructor. And then asking the very basic questions about opening a parachute ones you are ready to jump from fellow jumpers. :D

Duh, if nothing works out for you, then my friend(mexican interjection) just try helping out an old friend who can use all the support and love you have to offer. This will feel like the first rain of the season and give you the much needed peace.

Amen.

hare brains n T-Shirts

Can u believe, I never really believed that people actually believe the captions written on T-Shirts, which I am sure its creators don't believe themselves.

I am talking about the ones like " Boyz are stupid throw rocks on them" n "90% of the girls in this world are beautiful n the rest of them are in my college" types.
But, recent experience with fairer sex has left me with a feeling that some people do actually take these captions seriously. When will people understand that the messages written on Tees are there to provide a legitimate reason to stare on those areas without inviting criticism and not to be taken as "Pearls of Wisdom".Well, to each his own.

Bloop Bloop ... bleep Bleep

Bloop Bloop... bleep bleep...

As I performed one of the mandatory and relaxing routines periodically performed by the man - kind since age. I heard these familiar yet strange electronic beeps. Next thought which crossed my mind was I thought E GAD!!! please let the electronics not invade the most private of the domains. Let the electronic gadgetry not conquer the only undisputed territory where men folks still reign undisputed.

Even after I washed my hands religiously after the "Routine" for 20 seconds as suggested the electronics beeps didn't get washed off my mind. in vain, I scanned the bare walls for any clues. But, alas I couldn't find any.

After a fortnight or so, the idea faded from my mind, till today, when I again heard the same eerie beeps again, albeit in a different frequency, but with the same rhythmic irregularity. Perplexed again I looked at the walls for any signs of wires or wireless electronic devices.
I was about to leave the restroom with an uneasy feeling that finally Alien's electronic surveillance had broken the last realms of privacy, when I was surprised by a colleague who came out of the inner sanctums of the Rest room with a victorious smile on his face armed with his latest gizmo mobile. In a moment all the mystery shrouding the mysterious electronic alien beeps unfurled as he divulged that he finally reached the ultimate stage of his latest mobile game. I uh... ahem - ed to his achievement and smiled back, before turning back and swearing under my breath and swearing on such avid gamers who agonies their lesser enthusiastic counter parts with their pursuits.