A Very Wet experience - Singapore Wet Market

Hello,

All ye social network lovers n cynics, compulsive posters n liker's, Amateur detectives n Mafioso of the Virtual world. Today, I am going to invite you on a journey, filled with lots of ladies, in short dresses, brushing against your body. An adventure filled with soul stirring fragrances, colors, mouth watering delights and much more.

Ladies n Gentlemen - I bring you the Singapore Wet Market experience.

If you are still with me, i.e. you are not performing your Facebook rituals of jumping from one post to another. Then, let me introduce you to the concept of Wet Market in Singapore. Plainly speaking, it is actually, a loose translation of the Sabzi Mandi back home. With the same raw energy level of hawkers, screaming their lungs out,  ready to give 2 year warranty on already squishy tomatoes. But, the similarity ends there.

On my first visit, to the Wet Market, I was greeted by a smiling man toting Jack fruits in both his hands. But, the "distinct smell" emanating from the open fruits made me suspicious. Rummaging through my country specific knowledge, I realized its hugely popular "Durian" fruit which in all practical sense has the ability of curing, even the most stubborn blocked nose, by its "fragrance".

I politely, brushed him aside and entered the Sanctum of the Wet Market, immediately to be greeted by a large jostling crowd of "Aunties", trying to outdo each other in getting the freshest pick at the cheapest price. On the display cases, I was greeted by large eyes of various fishes ranging from few centimeters to a couple of feet. I instinctively cringed and moved slightly to the side, only to be stared at, by lifeless Hog Heads, christened "Pulled Pork". The fresh sardines, Crabs, Lobsters, squids and multiple unknown creatures of the sea, lying on various steps to heaven or on dinner plates, awaited next.

 Eager to change the scenery, I quickened my pace and went to a corner, which looked more green rather than red.

Next to a comparatively quiet Vendor, who was selling a local version of Pakodas, I started picking some familiar looking, non intimidating Veggies. When suddenly, out of the blue, a lady wearing a Mic started announcing benefits of some Ladies Undergarments fitted with electronic gadgetry. The chorus was soon joined by another seller, who demonstrated, how his Non-Sticky pots can't be scratched by a sharp knife. Noteworthy is the fact that sound affect of this act was as pleasant as scratching of Blackboard by long nails.

At this point, I called it quits and went back with 1 small bag filled with some leaves and couple of tomatoes.

Looking at my sullen expression and modest amount of my loot, my better half gave me bemused looks, to which I instinctively replied "Yeah, yeah !!! I'll visit it again sometime later this week"

I must confess, with time, the phobia of entering the Wet Market greatly reduced. But, before each visit, I still need to use some Auto-Suggestion, to muster the courage to plunge in this potpourri of groceries, flavors, fragrances (now read smells) and of course "Aunties"...

Food Chain of Traffic

Driving on the Indian roads for quite sometime, I have started witnessing the application of "Survival of the Fittest" theory on Indian roads . Based on my observations, I have realized that Darwin was quite far sighted, as his theory has far reaching implications.

Anyways, without boring you with further technical mumbo jumbo. I will give you some insights on my categorization of fossil fuel burning metal cans moving on Indian roads.

So, ladies and gentlemen, here it goes

1 - 2 wheelers - Accept it buddy, it hardly makes a difference whether you are riding a 35 CC moped, 350 CC Ninja or for that matter 500 CC Royal enefield, gravity has same affect on you. The feeling of invincibility which comes mostly from watching TV Ads in which bikes are portrayed as vehicle personifying speed, agility, style, chic magnet etc, evaporates in nano seconds once the epidermis kisses the Tar at speeds > 50 KMs/hr.

Normally, in an advertisement, the backdrop consists of a lissome lass, who gives seductive smiles to the rider. But, like any Indian horror flick, in real life scenario, the lissome lass, becomes an overloaded truck hurtling at break neck speed, running on the road with a single ambition of getting rid of the lowest member of value chain. The other members also bear the brunt of this behavior. But, the effects are not as lethal.

Live examples of 'Brownian Motion', this category fascinates me so much that I have reserved another blog post for it.

2 - Personal Cars - Driving a Japanese car, with an Italian engine on Indian roads on fossil fuel imported from Mid East and paid by dollar savings, these are perfect examples of globalization. This category of drivers, put their hard earned money into buying their car of dreams and they take every possible precaution to drive sensibly to protect their vehicles exterior as well as other moving creatures on roads.

Until, some idiot puts the last straw on their back, by cutting dangerously in front of their vehicle. Laplace transformation takes place and the docile, ever smiling Alok Nath type of personality transforms into Sunny Deol of the 90s with red mist in the eyes. All the available horses in the engine are immediately summoned hurriedly. Turbo Charger which was perhaps lying unused for some days is put to duty and made to do hard labour until the Root Cause of this sudden transformation is out of line of sight, preferably in the rear mirror, but *sigh* realistically this view is mostly visible in the front.

Bottom line, until provoked, these guys believe in 'live and let live' philosophy... until...

3 - Commercial Vehicles - Ardent followers of Hard Metal, most of these guys believe in driving as its their last ride. They use their illegal pressure horns and accelerator generously and avoid the usage of their clunky brakes unless challenged by larger peers or someone up the food chain.
Characterized by their dented vehicles, blaring music, overloaded goods/passengers they generally have the poorest road manners and a blatant disregard for safety,both on personal front as well as for fellow drivers. They make full use of 14% road tax and stop their vehicles whenever they feel the need for picking up, dropping passengers or just for chilling out. Passenger buses, Sumos, Qualis, Bolero etc are the staples in this category.

What this category lacks in horsepower, is over corrected by the higher decibels and the plumes of smokes emitted from their posterior bearing signs "Pollution Free vehicle" or "AC No hand signal"


4 - Vajra : The Apex predator - Now, don't tell me that you always thought the Name 'Vajra' was a coincidence and these buses are painted red, because they look good in it. Okay, for the uninitiated, 'Vajra' is the name given to the red Volvo buses used by State for city transport.

True to their names, these vehicles have the acceleration of Yamaha RX100, maneuverability of Swift and Body of a Tata sumo. Armed with powerful rear engines, these are the most swanky and deadliest of the metal cans moving around.

They firmly believe speed limits are for lesser mortals. Potholes don't affect their imported chassis and they keep on cruising evenly undeterred by the fact, that other lowly denizens are also using or trying to use the road. Like the previous category, they also believe in making their own stops and don't oblige at all in case you want to overtake them.

'Vajra' does not believe in hitting a person or two. Even a slight touch, sends multiple people packing to the place, where original users of Vajra live.

Thumb rule is to run for cover, whenever you see a red dot in your rear view mirror which grows exponentially in size.


Seasoned users, always know their place in this Food chain and run for cover as soon as they see a predator in sight. But, for the newbies and the adventurous. They love to wear their attitude and thrive until, alas, their luck runs out.

More observations about two wheelers to come in the next post...

Bye Bye American Pie - 2

"Time flies, I can't they can"

This silly expression was up for something, we had to punctuate when preparing for the b-school entrance. Never understood its meaninng then, not pretending that I do now. But, somehow it looks more and more meaningful to me.
Have been in and out US of A, for better part of 5 years. The last time I went back for "good" was two and a half years back. But, the "good" period lasted only for 6 months and had a one month trip to US included. Lets see how long this one lasts.

Going back in time, the introduction to US of A, started with the reading of "Inscrutable Americans". It was a nice, well researched book with wry humor. Even though, written good 20 years back, it still holds true in several aspects.

So, in this stint. I have earned some gray strands, a lot of adventurous memories and a PHD in indolence. Given a choice, I wouldn't like to replace much of it, but I definitely look forward to my next stint as my heart is craving for change.

I don't have much to say, right now. But, I am sure there will be a lot, as soon as I reach my motherland. I am used to a state of bliss and have fallen into a comfortable routine and will be jolted to reality as soon as I hit home base.

Till that time, friends keep reading.

Straight from the heart - Sympathy

Caution : This is first in the series of my writings, where humor will not be the central theme. But, this series is based on some events which I have witnessed in my life and they have been strong enough to jolt me and force me to recalibrate my set of values & Beliefs.

Location & Time - Somewhere in front of a Mall, in a busy Metro city, Year - 2004

Scene 1 -

It was one of those hot summer evenings in Northern India, when the Sun refuses to say quits, and the hot winds keep scorching the skin, well into the evening hours. However, I was not bothered by all this and was sitting under a tree waiting for my friend, who was going to join me for a round of Cold Beer and some Tet a Tet. Even the thought Beer was enough to take off the discomfort caused by sweat and dust. Feeling a little bit hungry and to looking for ways to pass some time, I strolled to the nearby McDonald and bought a Veg Pizza McPuff and started nibbling at it. Halfway through my cheese filled treat, I noticed a child of around 3-4 years, staring at me intently. After some hesitation he came near me and starting begging for money. Desensitized by several Magazine articles and movies, which depict children being forced into begging by emaciating/maiming them, I tried to shoo away the child and nonchalantly kept on biting the Hot Cheese Puff. Unlike his older siblings, who would have lost interest in me immediately and started looking for a softer/less emotionally matured target, this child kept on kept on looking at me for better part of 5 minutes, till I finished my Puff. Unperturbed, I got up threw the empty McDonald Wrapper on the ground and started walking away, scanning the scenery for some eye tonic in the form of Delhi Gals. As I looked behind to confirm that I hadn't left anything behind. I saw that little child was kneeling on the ground, holding the wrapper in his small hands and trying to scrape the crumbs sticking behind. As our eyes met, he got startled and shrunk a bit as if afraid. I on the other hand found myself fixated in one place unable to move or say anything. Within the next few seconds my mind was racing and a medley of emotions - guilt, anger at myself, pity, helplessness filled my heart.


Scene 2 -

Next thing was,I found myself standing at the McDonald takeaway counter and asked for a Veggie Surprise Burger, which I found would be sufficient for the little guy, who was smiling an innocent smile in anticipation of the food. I returned his shy smile and picked up the nicely wrapped warm bun and small ketchup pouch and handed it over to him. I turned back to clear the bill and found the attendant giving me a queer look. As I was paid the bill, through the corner of my eye, I noticed another child, around 8 years old, walked over with a haughty gait and in a single swing snatched away the burger from the younger one. I hurriedly finished of the transaction and quickly walked to the bully to recover the burger.
Filled with anger, I sternly held him by his hand and took back the burger. He was also eyeing me back angrily with his street hardened eyes but unable to do anything about it. As I glanced around for the younger child, the reality sank in. I was standing in an small ocean of children, all looking at me with anticipation, some of them wearing a pleading look and other scornfully looking at me. I found the younger child standing behind them. I wanted to end all this, so I quickly walked to him and gave him back the burger. Unlike the first time, he was very hesitant to take the burger from me. I noticed that the bully was standing just two paces behind me, looking at the younger child with as fiery eyes as a 10 year old can manage. I told the younger child not to be afraid and eat the burger. But, he simply was shaking with fear and afraid of the consequences, he wasn't even making any effort to unwrap the burger. I repeated my assurance to the child, but still he was too afraid to move. As I was figuring out what to do, there appeared a girl of around 8 years on the scene. The younger child voluntarily extended the burger to her, as if he was holding a ball of fire. Apprehensive that she also might be a bully, I asked her to return it. But, the younger child told me slowly that this girl was her sister. After she started feeding the burger to the younger child and eating some of it herself, I felt relieved and left the scene.


Scene - 3

My friend arrived soon after, and we both walked into a nearby posh watering hole to quench our thirsts by Chilled pints of Corona. Somehow, all the debate about smoothness of Corona over other Lagers was not able to remove the thoughts of the earlier episode from my mind. Halfway into some meaningless but interesting conversation, my friend inquired why I was appearing distant. I quickly brushed aside his thought and made conscious effort to focus on the Frosted tumbler filled with Golden-Amber colored manna. But, still I wasn't able to remove myself mentally from the sequence of events that occurred earlier in the evening. Even as I bade goodbye to my friend and rode my bike to my den, I kept on thinking- What would the bully do to the child? Did I do the right thing by intervening in their social hierarchy or did I end up making the matter worse? Should I have gone ahead and bought all those 10-12 children some food or would it have promoted this behavior even more and in turn would have worsened the problem?
As a third person, if someone would have come to me with all these questions, I would have definitely told him that he shouldn't have bought the young child any food in the first place. But, when faced with such situations where a child, who doesn't understand the dynamics of world and for whom overwhelming hunger drives most of actions, I guess, an undiscovered chunk in our heart comes to fore and makes us act in a way which would even surprise us at times.

U know when Indians have been in the area for too Long when...

Living in Bay area where every other person is an IT professional or an Indian, or belongs to an intersection of both, I started noticing the subtle changes in the Stratosphere around me. From the Sugarcane juice/Golgappa stall in a thriving market complex, to the bawling kids in the poshest of restaurants, gentlemen we surely make our mark and don't believe in keeping it subtle.
Anyways you definitely know we Indians feel at home -

1 - When local Costco Supermart starts selling Haldiram Snacks, Rotis, Ready to eat currries and several brands of basmati rice.
2 - When your neighbourhood is as well lit as Christmas during Diwali season and your neighbour mesmerized by diwali lights starts asking if Indians celebrate Christmas early?
3 - When there are several local teams and cricket tournaments held and websites are made to track. Hmm... nice mix of cricket and Tech.
4 - When in a plush upmarket residential community. You find the Property manager mentions "Weekly Indian Movie screening" as one of the Key differentiators.
5 - When Ustad Zakir Hussain settles down in Bay Area; claiming the area makes his creative juices flow. Wonder, how he managed to keep it alive back home.
6 - When Raj Abhyankar (No, not at all related to Lucknow University MMS Kand), stands for Local Mayoral post election and almost wins it. ***Updates*** - Another Asian across Himalayas snatched the seat from him.
7 - When at the local temple folks bring their automobiles to crush lemons by the tires and break the coconut to celebrate the buy.

8 - When at the same temple, prior to entering the prayer hall you see vast amount of footwear strewn around in a pattern which most believe can only be created by a stampede. Everybody gets to play "Find your shoes" and "Mix and Match" for free once the Aarti gets over. This all happens despite the large shoes racks placed next to entrance. The only warning that seems to be partially effective is the one displayed.
9 - When folks go to local supermarket store and as a matter of fact, ask the surprised store clerk where are Curry leaves, Fenugreek, Jaggery, Cinnamon and Cumin powder?
10 - When people crib about the non availability of Veggie Dishes in the continental dinner menu.
11 - When the most popular dishes in a fusion Thai restaurant is Roti Prata and Indian Mei Gurang. Now Indian Mei Gurang... never heard of this one in India, anyone?
12 - And lastly, when you see nervously smiling firangs in expensive black suits and their spouses in Armani cocktail dresses gingerly squatting for a traditional South Indian Wedding reception meal. All wearing a brave expression on their faces, already turned red by various delicious and extremely hot curries and trying real hard to tackle the mounds of rice using their fingers as silver wares. This one totally reminds me of the first time I tried to handle tofu with Chopsticks and ended up in transforming the "Fried Tofu" into "Flying Tofu".

Carbuyers guide - 2

Off late, I was talking to one of my friends about general catch all. The kind of phone calls that you should make periodically, to make sure they know your last name in case you need some dough or a recommendation on your Linked in.

Well, thats not the point.The point is during the course of discussion, she casually mentioned that her first car was Audi... Audi as in AUDI... The thoroughbred German Steed... which commands top moolah even in recession times. my retinas widened further when in the same breath she mentioned as she required a "small car" so she settled for A U D I... Barely able to hold back the feelings of Awe n excitement.... I truncated the call citing some real bad reasons...
But, even as I cut the call on my blackberry (free with ATT connection) and looking down at my 8 year old trustworthy Altima (I live on 2nd floor u c), I couldn't help thinking of how this buying behavior didn't fit in with my earlier research article.

I spent some time in deep thought and enlightenment dawned upon me the next morning when I was gulping down pancakes with dollops of butter. So, If you are still with me, please read on...

We Indians, Sir have deeply ingrained sense of social hierarchy. Consciously or unconsciously we apply it to most of the aspects of our life. Be it village Sarpanch buying the first Tractor in a village or the reverence for the Politicians with Royal heritage. We will keep on yearning for the objects of desire

Some time back, Indian media made a great fuss about a "Rajmata" who died at a ripe age in a foreign land. Did I get my Civics wrong (...ahan... Not the car but the woeful subject in High School), didn't the titles get abolished with cessation of princely states. But, still the "Rajmata" title was plastered all over the internet news channels as if she still was ruling India.

I remember the last time international media was in a similar hysteria when "Princess" Diana went heavenwards at 200 mph piloted by a drunk Driver cum bodyguard cum possible pass time lover.Perhaps the Indian media was not mature enough at that point of time to ask such intelligent questions to common man. Eg - To an uninterested road side peanut vendor... "Jab Diana ki jaan ja rahi thi to aapko kaisa lag raha tha ?" and the surprised Interviwee blinded by the instant flash of limelight blabbers some similar to Ms North Carolina's answer(Answer).

Well, we still are a model community, as only the studious and the sincere of the lot are able to make through the siphon of Hyper Darwinian Visa selection process to reach Uncle Sam's Park. But only, till the time the Second Generation ripens and starts shaming even the inhabitants of Oz with their antics.

We can be sure there till then Audis, Beamers (Not the Cricket one, but the one with a price tag similar to that of an IPL team), Mercs (My personal fav...:)....) will be the cherished possessions of the hard working and non playing folks.

Delhi -6 aka The Escapades of Kala Bandar

All right folks, I never did any movie reviews. B'coz I didn't feel they were worth my time. But, continuosly facing the onslaught of crappy stuff in the name of creativity has got my goat and I am going to break this pratigya of mine.

Yesterday, I went to watch this movie known as "Delhi 6", throughout the movie I was wondering what the Hell has title got to do with the movie. The beginning of the movie looks like a youtube videoresponse to "Slumdog Millionaire" pointing out everything that is happening(or better as it should be happening). The communal harmony tone was blown through a trumpet that even a deaf(or in politically correct terms - audio challenged or still better socially vogue - Aurically differently abled) person can't ignore. The lead actress(Sonal Kapoor-D/o the great Simian hirsuite Anil Kapoor) is nothing better than the mannequin who compensates lack of acting with a pasty smile and timbuktoos between modern and traditional outfits, both ways equally boring. The protagonist/narrator(Abhishek Bachchan - S/o Big B) wore his copy righted sulking expression and danced in a way, which makes me feel that a genetic test might reveal that he has inherited something from Not so Big- D(Dharam Pa Ji)....Gosh, did his birth day by any chance co-incide with the release of Sholay.... The Ramleela actors along with other side kicks were the real gamers who stole the show with their honesty and antics.

But, Ladies and gentlemen hold your breath for the lead actor, who although not present physically, was the lead in the movie. May I present the much loved and hated - Kala Bandar(Out of sheer respect, lets call him KB ji). Be it the beginning of the movie when the Young-B was travelling from Big Apple to Matrabhoomi or be it the Climax in which he was dying wearing the suit of KB ji), be it when Young B-was saving the lady from the lech/photographer/Lala's Wive's paramour or the inflaming of communal tension. His presence(or absence) was always felt and appreciated for its influence on making the otherwise "boring to death" storyline almost bearable. Hats off to KB ji for his honorary yet valuable contribution to the movie.

But, his commanding presence(and also strong contendership for the Academy) still does not remove the pain of spending $32.75(10.50*2,Yes, I have to buy 2 tickets now+11.75 on Cola+Corn). The only scene I loved was the one in which Young B was being beaten black and blue and then shot by Mamdu(The Halwai cum Communal harmony Icon turned hardliner cum Ramleela Organiser turned attempted murder convict-Man they must have really paid big to the guy for donning so many caps). The storyline, was so hopeless that the even the casual presence(and permanent presence of his framed Pic) of Big B couldn't save it. Believe me, after wasting money on several movies of similar "Creative" movies I seriously am feeling the need to approach BBB (US equivalent of consumer forum) to find out the refund process and if any punitive damages can be awarded to prevent the makers from repating such mistakes.